Having spent all day at home, in a week that has been spent by and large in the same fashion, I am finally hitting the point of stir crazy where I might have to start embracing responsibilities like cleaning my room and doing laundry just in order to do something. This is a serious problem, because by my calculations, I still have at least one more week of “vacation time.” Technically, I would have to be a proper student for it to be a proper vacation, and I am officially (or, semi-officially. Loyola doesn’t know yet) taking a semester off. Therefore, I technically don’t get a vacation. But last semester, which included mono and ridiculous amounts of overwork and a lot of poor life choices, was rather wearing. It was wearing enough to warrant the vacation that I’m giving myself, but not so wearing that I can happily vegetate for a solid five weeks doing absolutely nothing, as much as I want to.
Today, I spent entertaining the dog, pretending that I am tougher than the cold by wearing socks and a sweatshirt and then bundling into a blanket and burrowing into the couch, and binge-reading Hyperbole and a Half, which is a blog that I periodically reread. I was supposed to spend the day doing laundry and reading Hamlet, which sounds far more respectable, but alas, it was not to be.
I find Hyperbole and a Half incredibly impressive. It was built with minimal self-promotion, with a lot of honesty and inappropriateness and relatable hilarity. Whenever Allie talks about blogging, I feel a twinge of guilt and think of this platform, my barely established and poorly maintained page. I think the problem was that I wasn’t sure what I wanted it to be to begin with. I had some ideas regarding purpose, but not regarding form. I am not comical, like Allie. I am also not visually artistic; I feel like my blog would be much more interesting to look at if it had pictures or videos or anything behind lines of words, but I can’t draw to save my life, and honestly, blogging, the technical side of it, kind of terrifies me. Like banking and paperwork and talking to people at the post office. These are things that I’m inherently uncomfortable with, which makes life difficult sometimes because capable adults are expected to be able to fill out paperwork without first drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee and then taking anxiety meds and then moaning and groaning a lot. If I could hire someone to fill out all paperwork for me, I totally would.
And all this rambling (I’m probably rambling because I’ve had a minimum of human interaction. For someone who talks as much as I do, that can be a problem) is meant to tend to the idea that this blog, whatever it is, will be changing from whatever it was. To begin with, some of the categories and expected topics are far less relevant now, because I won’t be a “student” again for approximately eight months– assuming you don’t count classes at the community college, because I don’t.
It also has to change because I think it was too dramatic and serious when I was writing only about major portions of my life. It kind of drags. I know those major portions are important, but they actually say very little about who I am and what my life is. My life has these big sweeping moments that involve school and faith and research etc., but more often it’s been sitting in a circle on the floor with my roommates at 1 in the morning pretending to be an indie band, or ninja-cuddling with my mom, which is when we’re cuddling but she doesn’t know it because she doesn’t like cuddling. My life is the fact that I’m currently obsessed with the word “effervescent” (it’s a four syllable word that means bubbly!!) and that I currently have a red velvet cake in the oven, which is a terrible idea because I can’t cook or bake but oh well. I was bored.
I’m fairly certain that I don’t have any readers to care about fluctuations or irregularities in my blog, but I’m marking today for posterity as the day when I decided that I had no idea what was going on, but went for it anyway. That tends to be a theme. It will probably crop up again later.